Matt v. Winebottle

Kim or Matt related , Photo essay August 27th, 2007

Or: Why everyone should use *^&%ing cork
A photo essay

Matt has been coveting a glass of wine for a day or two now. Two days ago (not pictured), he attempted to open the bottle. The corkscrew handle came off, leaving a gigantic metal spiral in the plastic “cork,” and no leverage to remove it. Matt gave up.

Score: Wine bottle 1, Matt 0

Tonight, Matt tried again. With the corkscrew spiral still lodged in the “cork,” he tried first a small drill bit:

small drill bit

and then a large one.

large drill bit

Hoping the “cork” was loosened, he attempted to pry it out.

prying the cork

To no avail. Several unsuccessful rounds of drilling and prying later, he switched tactics, instead trying to jam the “cork” inside the bottle. This proved effective. . .


. . . if somewhat explosive.

wine spots

The counter was a mess,

the battleground

but the real problem was the wine, which now had a “cork” (complete with metal screw) floating around, along with plastic shavings. Yum. Matt devised a solution.

preparing for filtering

The solution eliminated unpalatable elements from the wine.


It was definitely a good idea.

the filtrate

Before tasting could commence, however, a dilemma remained. Matt generally re-stoppers wine bottles with their corks. This wine bottle, however, had swallowed the “cork.” We made alternate arrangements.


Finally, Matt could taste the wine he’d been working for during the past quarter of an hour.

the reward!

“You know what would be funny?” I asked, rhetorically. “If you didn’t like the wine.”

the reaction


What do you think; do we call this a draw?

Trackback URI | Comments RSS

Leave a Reply